It just a regular night, nothing’s wrong until suddenly something come up and boil me up. I was laying in the bed and do nothing, trying to rest but still looking for small business opportunity, my finger keep scrolling on my phone screen so I can check all my instagram and facebook feeds. Small laugh sometimes, my body feel tired but I can’t sleep yet. He was sit near me, we talk little bit sometimes. Until he ask me to go out, and I was thought he was joking. Surprisingly he went out and never back. I was really upset, I text rage him and curse him a lots.
Today, I did not feel angry anymore, but more disappointed. I lost all my angry and it turn to disappointment, When I saw him coming I even did not bother. I feel nothing and I was terrified by that, for me it better to feel angry than nothing. I do not want to spoke with him, every single sound become a great distraction. I did not feel that he is on my side anymore and I lost the feel being me.
I lost myself and suddenly it feels like slap on my face. I do not recognize myself anymore. I was a happy, smart and I don’t know anymore. To be honest, I lost it like long time ago, I have to do something right?
Have no direction, have no things to fight up and no passion, that’s what I feel right now.
I go out and think more about that. The only thing I figuring out is I GIVE TO MUCH FUCK TO EVERY FUCKIN SINGLE THING EXCEPT ABOUT MY GODDAMN SELF!
Well I already know the disease now it’s time to find the cure. So I list things that might help me to fix this:
- STOP GIVING ANY FUCK TO EVERY SINGLE THING!
- Put myself to number one priority
- Fall in love again with myself
- STOP OVERTHINK!
- Do whatever it takes to be a best version of me
So, people, when you think you just give too much of yourself to something, you probably should think about it twice. It could hurt you, it could put you in high stress level, or it might change you into a cold-hearted person. Today’s lesson is, when I think someone irritated me so much, I might only just give to much fuck to them. I hope it’s a good start, I was pushed to the corner and now times to payback.